Super Naruto 1: Assault on Teletubby land
by NephilimBetch
Summary: Once, a not so long time ago, an evil vacuum named Hannah Snoo Snoo came to slay all the teletubbies. So now Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, Sailor Moon and others come together to fight her.WARNING: GRAPHIC LEMON LEMON LEMON! PS Each chapter is a lot of chapters
1. Assault! Teletubbies in Danger

Hi everyone! This is my first Fanfiction ever! YAY! So forgive me if you don't like it.

Disclaimer: I don't own naruto, and he'e a hobag anyway! I also don't own any of the things I referenced

LEMON LEMON LEMON! In later chapters anyway. Referenced here

Naruto: Candle Rape

Naruto was a strange child. He had grown up with no parents, hated by everyone in the city. As a child, he had worked in the village candle making shop, where he was viciously raped. Then one night everything changed.

"Naruto you gay bastard! What the hell are you doing with that candle? Your ass will be burned off!" yelled the Candlemaker

"Shut up! I'm just ruining your supply of candles by sitting on them! Ha HA you whore!" Naruto screamed back

"You ass tard! Don't sit on the pointy end!"

Moments later the candlemaker and Naruto backed out of the supply closet, yammering back and forth about whose fault it was.

"I still say that if you hadn't have sat on the pointy end, and knocked over the candle testing lampy thing, my shop wouldn't have burned down." the candlemaker said.

"Yeah? Well Fuck you Betch!" Naruto said.

A loud crash was heard in the room nearest them, and my friend from the future Jessica shows up in a mystic fortunetelling outfit, complete with the big purple teletubby antenna.

"Oh yeah, Nauto, Your best friend is going to come after you romanticly and will make you rape a sheep, Sakura will beat the Fuck out of you in a simple cloning exam, and you will die in Fourty five days. And Candlemaker who isn't important enough to have a name, your character will simply go into cyberspace hell, where all useless data goes. Bye Whores" She said and flew out the window.

"Oh Fu..." the candlemaker disappeared into thin air.

"What the Hell?" Naruto asked the thin air

"What did you expect? Condamns?" answered a weird voice from the other room.

A girl named Jade sat on the ground with about sixteen beer bottles and was happily hiccupping. "Wanna have Hic sex?"

"Uh yeah... No You smell like garbage."

" So, This is probably your only chance to have sex until the next chapter when the magic lady told you you'd rape a sheep. So?"

"OK!"

Naruto hopped on and Jade proceded to tantalise him with several exotic Ninja Sex stuff, and then Jade changed into Jacob and Drove Naruto across Diagon Alley and into the Deathstar, to go to France, and ended up in the town of Hogwarts.

After several hours of nightmarish sexual activity, Naruto awoke and said aloud, " It was all a dream! Thank God, that guy was ugly!"

"What! Think again you fucking bastard! I so shouldn't have let you rape me, but I'm still a virgin, and mommy says that I have to go to cybertrash land tomorrow!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! But I love Sakura and Sasuke!"

"Whatever you bastard! You know you love Us"

Jacob/Jade disappeared with a wicked cackle

Disclaimer: I own Nothing! (Thank God)

Sakura: is a whore!

"Sasuke aren't I clever?" Sakura asked anxiously. She wanted Sasuke to approve before she tried anything.

"Oh Yeah! We can start later tonight."

Sakura blushed heavily.

Naruto rushed up.

"Hey, guys, this weird girl from teletubbies and a girl that turns into a guy burned down my candleshop and molested me."

"What else is new?" Sasuke said without interest.

"Well, I hope you can explain why a teletubby would be out in Ninja land? Aren't they all in teletubby land?" Sakura said viciously.

"Well..." Naruto began but as usual, Jessica decided to drop in on them. With a sound of grinding timber, she used her special teletubby death ray to blast through the wall of the Dojo to their left.

"I have come to tell you assholes that soon a man will come from a far away place. To you Sakura, he shall be asking for love. Sasuke, he will ask you why you hated his style. Naruto, he will force you to rape a sheep. Anyway..."

"Wait! Why are you out of teletubby land?"

"well you see, we teletubbies are actually science experiments that failed horribly. We were trying to use Gorilla hair to manufacture cheap vitamin pills, but we were wrong. The experiment exploded, kiling the gay apes, and turning us into the weird things Tinkle Winkle, who doesn't have one, Tipsy, Who is, Ha Ha, The crazy, and Hoe, For the others.

I am one of the sentient teletubbies, but the others aren't. You see that baby is named Lacey, and it is actually a super powerful alarm that goes and rings when a teletubby escapes. It awakens the Teletubby eating vaccum, Hannah Snoo Snoo. Hannah Snoo Snoo kills all of the renegade Teletubbies, and replaces them. IF you want you can help me kill Hannah Snoo Snoo."

"Sure! Anything for a friend in need!" Sakura said.

"Thank you faggots!" Said Jessica, dissappearing instantly.

"Bitch, Why did you do that?" Demanded Naruto.

"It was the right thing to do."Sakura yelled

"We don't care! We'er Ninjas!" Naruto shouted

"Then Fuck You!"

"Maybe Later"

"twelve at my place"

"I'll be there"

Sakura stomped off, leaving naruto and sasuke alone. After a few moments, Sasuke was kissing Naruto and holding him in his arms. The moments passed in flashes. Sasuke on Naruto, a sudden pain, and then the sensation of calmness now that it was over.

"Sasu, for that you are going." Naruto said as he left for sakura's house.

After three hours and a lot of Sakura's bitching about not having enough energy, they finally decided that having sex was fun for the first ten minutes, but it just got nauseating.

"We are going." they decided.

"Off To Teletubby Land!"

Sailor Pluto and Sailor Saturday

Sailor Pluto Had Just gotten Ready to go to the aid of Sailor Yourmom'sanus, when sailor Saturday came around.

"Anything important going on?" asked the young girl.

"Sailor Yourmom'sanus is suffocating inside of a negaverse disruptor field, but no."

"We have to go to teletubby Land. My Friends Matt Ha Ha and Quinn Tipsy need our Help!"

"Let's go save sailor Yourmom'sanus and be off!"

Moments later, the three sailors were off in the magical pink time travel balloon

" So Sailor Yourmom'sanus, Why didn't you free yourself?"

"I didn't know that there was an off switch on the vibrating chair."

"God Your a Hoe!" yelled Sailor Saturday.

Meanwhile in the land of Gayninja,

The three friends get into the purple rainbow sky traveler, and demand that it goes to teletubby land. Just then, a fat man came and talked to each of them separately. When it came to Naruto's turn, He said " If you will rape a sheep, I will supply you with provisions." Naruto accepted this, and within moments felt dirty. The sheep that the supplier picked looked as though it had died several months earlier.

The Sheep made Naruto want to Shower.

All of the sudden, the rainbow balloons collided, and all of the sudden, Naruto was humping a strange girl wearing a purple Tiara. (Sailor Saturday)

And Sasuke was on top of the green-haired girl.

Sakura was attacking the other sailor for stealing sasuke, but she was a pathetic moocher ever since episode 1 and so she died. And as in everything, she comes back.

"Sasuke, Stop screwing her!"

"No!"

"But..."

"Shut the hell up, you freak!"

Sakura then grabbed him, and quickly made him rape her. All for a good cause of course. But soon the balloons left, and they were all set down in Walmart land.

WARNING: LEMON LEMON LEMON LEMON LOTS OF LEMON GRAPHIC LEMON

Disclaimer: I do not own the lemon scene.

Walmart Land

" Where is the GOD DAMN WRITER! I'M GOING TO KICK HIS ASS!" screamed Sasuke.

They walked into the nearest walmart. It had the motto 5,000,000,000th only comes around once, and we're it. Inside it had only two sides, Man and Woman. Each sign was quickly explained as a bunch of whores lined up, each wearing skimpy clothing. The manager, Alana, walked up and asked what they needed.

"We need directions to Teletubby Land." Naruto Said

" Then you must each spend the night with a ho. Pick." Alana said.

**Sasuke**

Sasuke chose a short but stocky man and a cactus, just for entertainment. They started a movie and the man morphed into a fake Naruto.

Excerpt obtained from Illicit Tryst. Please Thank them

The movie they were watching or rather not watching was still playing in the background concealing some of the passionate noises coming from the couch.

They had been making out for almost a full hour now and hormones were raging. Sasuke tongued Naruto's mouth hungrily, running his pale hands through the blonde's spiky hair. Naruto moaned in approval. His hands roaming the obsidian eyed teen's body.

Panting Sasuke pulled away. "What's wrong?" Naruto asked concerned.

"I… I can't take it any more" Sasuke breathed. "I have to have you!" And with that he pushed Naruto face down on the couch and started franticly removing his pants.

"Hey slow down I'm not sure if I'm ready for this… there's still lots of other things we haven't done yet."

"No I can't wait! Please don't stop me" There was something in Sasuke's voice that made Naruto nervous. He sounded desperate… or crazy. Either way Naruto decided to let Sasuke continue. He let the beautiful dark teen remove his clothes and run his hands all over his body. Sasuke's hands explored Naruto's chest and thighs as his rock hard member pressed onto Naruto's ass. Breathing hard and trembling with anticipation slowly eased into Naruto's ass. A moan of ecstasy escaped from Sasuke's lips as a shriek of pain escaped from Naruto's. Sasuke reached around and stroked Naruto's cock and kissed his back as he slowly began to rock his hips. Naruto tried to relax and concentrate on the delirious sensation of Sasuke's hand on his dick but could not ignore the pain in his ass.

"Ahhh! It hurts!" Sasuke didn't respond. He slipped his free arm under Naruto's chest and gripped his shoulder. The outward intention was to comfort Naruto but it also pushed him deeper into the blonde teen. "No Sasuke stop! I can't! Please!" Sasuke laid his head on Naruto's back and increased his speed and pressure of his hand on Naruto's member, silently begging the blonde teen to consent. Naruto's arms shook from the pain and from the weight of the pale teen on his back.

"Ahh… oh please stop… Ahh oh god!!!" Naruto's screams of pain turned into pleasure as the pale teens cock hit his prostate. "Oh yeah… more… oh Sasuke… more!" Naruto panted. Suddenly the pain was thrilling and he pushed his hips back to meet Sasuke's strokes. With this Sasuke lost control and started fucking Naruto like an animal. Bucking wildly while scratching and biting Naruto's back. Sasuke grabbed a handful of Naruto's hair making the blonde moan with delight. For a couple more minutes the pair moaned and sighed themselves in to a sweaty mess as Sasuke jack hammered Naruto. Their breaths grew shallower and increased speed as they both approached climax

WARNING: THIS IS THE MOST GRAPHIC LEMON I WILL EVER DO! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE OFFENDED, ARE INNOCENT OF SEEING THIS FILTH, OR YOU ARE SOME SORT OF RELIGIOUS PERSON!

Sakura: Her POV

The whore changed into sasuke and quickly began making out with Sakura.

"My room." he muttered between kisses. I nodded as he sprinted out of the Foyer towards the stairs. We were in his room five seconds flat. I felt my back connected with the soft mattress, his lips, soft yet hard on me once again. I pulled his head closer to me, to get better access to his gifted mouth. His fingers skillfully relieved the buttons from my shirt and flung the material across the room. I was in my satin bra, feeling his heated skin. His lips left mine, trailing down my neck to my shoulder. He bit me lightly as I let out a moan. He unhooked the bra and flung it on top of my shirt. My creamy breasts spilled out and he sucked on it greedily while his other hand massaging its twin. I couldn't hold in the moan that erupted inside of me. My fingers somehow found its way to the front of his shirt and ripped off the material. I didn't feel the loose buttons hitting my skin, too caught up in the world of ecstasy. I heard him chuckled darkly.

"Getting impatient?"

I glared at him before pulling him down for another heat searing kiss. I noticed his hands trailing down to my thighs and to the zipper of my skirts. I lifted my hips to help him ease out of the skirts. At the same time, my fingers vigorously worked the belt from his pants. Our attire hit the floor at the same time. I squeezed his hard length and was instantly rewarded by his moans. I never felt so worked up before. God, he's so addicting. I wanted to hear more of his moans. Pushing him off of me, he landed on the mattress with a confused look. I pushed him down onto the bed and crawled on top of his body. He gave me a smirk before laying with his arms underneath his head. I took off his black silk boxers and pulled it from his legs. His cock stood straight up, moisture glistening at the tip. I bend down and took a swift lick and he moaned loudly. I smiled and swiveled my tongue around the member. I admit that I've never done anything like this before. I've always thought that this was revolting, yet with him, I've never felt more comfortable doing it.

I gently sucked on his shaft, pulling my mouth away for a second before descending it down his hard penis. The bobbing action was erotic as I caught a sight of myself in the mirror. My breasts were aching from the sight alone. The moisture began forming between my legs and I felt it as my G-string was wet as well. I began to pick up the pace as his moans increases. His member hit the back of my throat before shooting his load into my mouth. I greedily swallowed every last drop. I heard him gave a sigh as I wiped my lips. He gave a chuckle before pounding on me. We both fell onto the soft carpeted floor. He looked down at me with dangerous eyes. His fingers work its way down to my panties as he pulled the tiny string loose.

"Perfect." he growled. I gasped as he held my arms at my side, immobilized the limbs. His lips parted my vagina as he gave one quick stroke with his tongue. I shuttered and let out a moan. One of his hand free my arm and I quickly pushed his head down against my dripping pussy, urging him to release me. he gave a growled that shook my body to the core. His fingers parted my labia as he pushed two fingers into me, stretching me. I felt a wonderful sensation as his fingers skillfully pushing in and out, setting the perfect rhythm. I rocked myself against his fingers, wanting to find the bliss that await.

He replaced his fingers with his mouth as his tongue flicked out sucked on my clitoris. It didn't take long for me to come. I screamed out as I came, long and hard. I felt my throat gone dry, my voice horse from screaming. Sasuke gave one last lick before leaving me on the floor. I opened my eyes to see him rolling something onto his thickening member.

"Get up." he commanded roughly. I gave one nod before sitting up on my hands and knees. I felt him take a tight grip of my hips as he went behind me, licking my skin with his textured tongue from the base of my spine to the sensitive skin of me neck. He didn't gave any warning as he planted his cock inside me. I screamed out from the intrusion. I've been with guys before, yet he was big, his penis stretching me. Sasuke didn't moved. He was waiting for me to get used to him.

"Fuck, you're so tight." he muttered between groans. I gently rocked my hips against his to test the friction. It was perfect. Sasuke took a hold of my hips as he pulled himself out and buried himself inside me the next second. The sensation was beyond words as he continue to thrust into me with faster speed. The burning friction between us build up. I heard myself gave out a loud cry as my orgasm hit fast and hard. I would have collapse onto the carpet if Sasuke hadn't been holding me. He gave few last thrust with his hips before roaring out my name. He collapse on top of me as he let out a sated sigh. He rolled off of me and pulled me on top of his body, grinning wickedly.

" So, with all the money you are getting from them, you won't need anything else?" Nauto asked, between the kisses he was planting on the back of the Manager's neck.

"No." the word escaped her as a moan, and moments later, all of the Group came from the walmart with directions.

They had to go left at the village of the Icy Gay, Across the border of a thousand dances, past DDR land, And into space Channel 5 studios, to take a new magial rainbow crystal ride into the land of the teletubbies.


	2. Saving the tubbies

So, Part 2.

I don't own anything.

All referenced material is not mine.

Short Chapter

The Gay Parade

The three sailor scouts located Sailor Moon and Rini using their moon compacts. The three headed out, and were met by an angry mob Sailor pluto used her staff to fly away, but angry shots followed her. Her friends were not so lucky and died, fighting valiantly. Sailor yourmom'sanus using Rainbow Ribbon, and sailor saturday using WALMART KILLING SPREE OF LOVE!

Sailor pluto met up with sailor saturn and decided that it was best to go undercover. Sailor Moon, who was not that far away greeted them, and asked them to stay a moment and watch the yearly gay parade suicides.

The first up was Bracy James L., He decided that since his boyfriend left him, that he didn't want to live. He stood out in the road, and soon a VW gay van hit him, but it was not enough to kill the little cockroach. He had to sit there for a two hour parade of Elephants and gay bulls. Then, A group of clowns gathered around him and began molesting him in all the right places. But after standing up and deciding to wash off all of the clown paint from various portions of his body, A gay bus hit him, and broke his Arms and legs.

While in the Ambulance, a gay clown continued to molest him, and eventually broke his pelvis with a sledge hammer he had used as "leverage" His ex boyfriends Girlfriend came and asked how he was doing.

"Well, I miss him." BJ said, giving her the full picture.

"Well then, I'll Just have to rape you until you die." Haily Brazil said.

Moments later a doctor came in to find a corpse ruffled up and a disgruntled looking girl. As she passed him, he thought he heard "worst sex yet."

Sailor Moon and all of the others disscussed the plot of the teletubbies and decided to go, if only for the sake of Alex Ho. Soon they were on their way to the magic lands, and on the way, they picked up Jessica and Jade/Jacob.

Gothic Teletubbies

When all Nine of them arrived, they were greeted by a rebel teletubby faction, whose only goal was total annihilation of the enemy, Hannah Snoo Snoo.

The faction greeted them cordially and then forced them out into the pretty lands, telettubby fields. They entered the cottage. Alex ho was the only one there at the time.

"Hey! Thank you for coming!" We have to help the others! They are being held at the Snoo Snoo station 1: Sex Party!"

Sailor Moon Said" Ok, We Can use the magic balloon boob that I have. Did you notice my boob size changed every other scene?"

She made a face, and they were absorbed by a magical boob corridor into station sex party.

The station was a horrid pink and orange combination that would make anyone gag. Everything in the history of the world that had been classified as evil was there. Weapons, Torture machines, and in the space reserved for the most evil thing of all, was a single twinky.

"I shall go and free Quinn Tipsy." Jessica said and ran towards a near by corridor.

"I'll Get Matt Ha Ha" Shouted sailor Saturn

"I shall get Tinkle Winkle." Yelled Alex Ho.

The three of them left the others to find a way to kill Hannah and Lacey, The Evil Alarm Baby.

"I shall use my sailor moon Magic Matra Tiara Starship Transformation!" said sailor moon, and she sat down to concentrate.

A group of Emo looking Teletubbies came and offered to help them, but that offer was soon rejected. "Tell everyone to evacuate. We'll destroy the ship." Said Sakura

The teletubby did as it was told.

"Oh yeah, by the way, we will eat out your magic antennas because we are the gothic Teletubbies,"

Whatever

Jessica

Jessica first walked in to a sort of lab.

It had been experimenting on Quinn Tipsy apparently. The drunk teletubby was probably too far out of it to notice anything though. She walked up and used her purple antenna to probe the lab with her super rainbow bio scanner. Soon a group of angry loaners ran at her, and she knew that her old tele master Obi Wan Kenobi would want her to KICK THEIR DAMN ASSES!

FIGHT

"Super useless government program fee!" Yelled a loaner. A pink ribbon caused a nearby lamp to go out.

"Ultra Purple Magic Sprinkles!" Shot Jessica, Firing a length of glitter at the lawyer.

"Ah fuck it." said Jessica. She pressed a magical decompression button, and threw the lawyers into space, a magical pink space.

Jessica began to undo the locks that held Quinn Tipsy down.

" Mom, I need a minute to get my pants on. HIC. I HIC need HIC to HIC." the poor drunk telettubby was in fact so drunk it was hallucinating about yet another 60's special movie.

"Why cant you hallucinate about a seventies show? The sixties were Whores!" Jessica screeched at him.

Suddenly an alarm went off, and three condom bots beamed into the room.

"Use protection!" stated each bot.

"What the Hell?" Jessica Began.

The bots started shooting super powerful exploding condoms at both of them.

"Where the hell does the damn writer of this fucking story come up with this shit? I swear if he packs in another exploding condom, or another strange place to write lemon, I will scream!" Jessica raved at me.

But of course a couple of condoms did not explode. And Jessica was forced to use Super Dance Dance Revolution Rape killing the mechanical sellers of fun. The two of them both ran towards the central chamber.

"I am sailor has sex a lot! And I am here to rape you! I AM ITACHI!" yelled a person wearing a purple sailor fuku.

"Hey! I thought that you were going out with Orichimaru!" Jessica yelled.

"I was, but the little betch deserted me for a GIRL! I was so mad. Apparently he had been cheating on me with the guy BJ Lott. I HATE Orichimaru." yelled Itachi, and putting on his super sword condom, jumped down onto a teletubby.

But a man wearing a strange assortment of clothing walked up.

"Orichimaru!" Itachi screamed. "Take me back. I'm wearing a condom!"

WARNING LEMON LEMON LEMON LEMON!

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!

Orochimaru sighed and let his arms fall to his sides. "You don't want me now…do you?"

Itachi put one cool hand against the side of Orochimaru's face. "Quite the opposite."

Orochimaru looked up. "What are you talking about? No one wants to fuck a cheater-it's just not how it works!"

Itachi smiled. "Oh, you're not going to be a cheater in an hour."

Orochimaru smiled and wrapped his arms around Itachi's neck. "Do tell."

"Keep flirting like that," Itachi replied, nuzzling Orochimaru's neck, "and I won't have to."

Orochimaru leaned into Itachi's touches, giving a breathy moan as Itachi's teeth scraped along his collarbone. Itachi smiled. He hadn't dominated someone this easily in a while…and Orochimaru was looking better and better every minute. From the way his skin was flushing, it was clear he was enjoying it.

Itachi's hands slid underneath Orochimaru's kimono and pushed it off his shoulders, allowing him to lean down a bit and nip at Orochimaru's pale chest. Orochimaru threw back his head and moaned; Itachi shuddered and bit down on Orochimaru's shoulder again, lapping eagerly at the blood that flowed from the wound. So far, Orochimaru sounded-and tasted-divine…

Orochimaru's nails were digging into Itachi's shoulders and even breaking the skin through his fishnet shirt. Itachi needed a way to keep Orochimaru in one place…without using his own body. Itachi smirked into a bite as he realized that Sex Party 1 kept a hologram producing device in this room, mainly for its puppets. He could have sworn he saw rope burns on someone's wrists a few days ago…it might have been a one-night stand, but even so…

Itachi pulled Orochimaru over to the bed in the room and pushed him down on it, kicking the door closed and locking it. Orochimaru started; this was a weird room…

"Itachi-?"

"I know," Itachi said with a smirk. "We can change the sheets afterwards."

Orochimaru shrugged. "Whatever…"

Itachi reached under the bed and emerged with several ropes and a collar in his hand. "This is gonna be fun…"

One of Orochimaru's eyebrows rose questioningly. "For which one of us?"

Itachi smirked. "If you cooperate and be a good little fuck, both of us."

Orochimaru turned onto his stomach and propped himself up n his elbows. "Very well. I'll do whatever you say."

Itachi smiled and walked back over to Orochimaru, fastening the collar around his neck. "Good boy. Now, take off the sash, slowly."

Orochimaru obeyed, untying the knot and letting the dark red fabric drop to the floor next to them. Itachi's smile widened, and he pulled Orochimaru's legs underneath him so he was sitting on the sannin's hips. Itachi still held himself slightly above Orochimaru, though; with just enough room for him to reach down and slide Orochimaru's boxers down, past lithe hips and firm muscle. But he left the kimono; it was fairly see-through, anyway.

"Sexy little thing," he whispered, and captured Orochimaru's lips in a teeth crashing kiss. Both of them fell back so Itachi was lying on top of Orochimaru, Itachi still straddling Orochimaru's hips. Itachi reached over and grabbed one of the ropes he had set down on the edge of the bed earlier and grabbed both of Orochimaru's slender wrists. He tied them both together and wound the extra rope around one of the rungs on the bed, effectively tethering Orochimaru. The sannin whine at the pain in his wrists from the sudden tightening of the ropes, but he made an effort not to break the kiss. Itachi was impressed, really.

Finally, the Uchiha broke the kiss to breathe.

"Impressive," he whispered, running his hands over Orochimaru's firm, muscled stomach. "For a cheater."

Orochimaru let out a breathy moan and let his head fall to the side, exposing his long, pale throat. Itachi viciously attacked the skin, not satisfied that there was a place on Orochimaru's body that he hadn't marked as his own. Already blossoming on Orochimaru's chest were purple-red bruises; the flowers of love-bites. Orochimaru gave Itachi a small whine of discomfort; it hurt, it really did, but at the same time, it felt so good…

Itachi licked at the blood seeping from one of the bites on Orochimaru's neck. "Orochimaru…" he whispered. "You taste so good…"

"Hn…glad I could satisfy your need," Orochimaru panted through the waves of pleasure flooding his body. Itachi smirked into Orochimaru's neck and took one last lick at the blood.

"Beautiful, sexy little tease," he said, raising his head to Orochimaru. "Okay, ready to get started?"

Orochimaru nodded, and Itachi smiled. "alright, then." he reached over to the nightstand next to the bed and pulled out a tube. Orochimaru looked on curiously as Itachi smeared some on three of his fingers, and then set the tube aside. He parted the kimono and spread Orochimaru's legs, feeling Orochimaru shivering with anxiety. "Impatient?" he breathed, lowering his hand to Orochimaru's passage. "Don't worry, I'll have you screaming in pleasure in a minute. Now, hold still."

As Itachi's fingers began to massage the flesh around his passage, Orochimaru could feel himself relaxing. He didn't dare disobey the Uchiha and move an inch, but he couldn't help but want to thrust down onto those gentle fingers, cool with liquid and moving slowly around his ring. Finally, Itachi pushed the first finger in.

Orochimaru gasped with pleasure and squirmed. It was uncomfortable but…he loved it. Itachi could see Orochimaru straining at the bonds that held him and smiled, moving his finger back and forth.

"Stop," he said firmly, using his other hand to hold Orochimaru's hips down. "You'll hurt yourself."

Orochimaru shuddered, but lay still again.

Itachi gave a single nod and pushed the next finger in. Orochimaru gave a short cry of pain and pleasure, arched his back, and moaned. Itachi sighed and took his hand off Orochimaru's hips, moving it instead to his mouth.

"Suck."

Orochimaru tentatively took the proffered fingers into his mouth, hesitantly licking at them.

"Come on, suck!" Itachi said, thrusting his fingers deeper into Orochimaru's mouth. Orochimaru flinched as the fingers hit the back of his mouth, but began to suck on Itachi's fingers as hard as he could. Itachi sighed in pleasure and gently kissed Orochimaru's forehead.

"Good boy," he whispered, and pushed the third finger in. This time, Orochimaru's cry of pleasure was longer and more drawn out, but Itachi silenced him with his fingers again. Orochimaru sucked on his fingers more readily this time, and Itachi scissored his fingers in Orochimaru's passage, forcibly stretching the sannin to make passage easier later.

"Good boy," he whispered as Orochimaru gave on final, hard suck on Itachi's fingers. Itachi began thrusting his fingers back and forth, in and out of Orochimaru's mouth, which whimpered with every thrust. Itachi reveled in the pleasure; Orochimaru was so beautiful, lying there beneath him, withering from pleasure…

"Ready?"

Orochimaru slowly nodded, and Itachi pulled his fingers out, reaching down and pulling off his pants and boxers in one swift movement. Orochimaru gazed eagerly at Itachi's bared body; the Uchiha was gorgeous…

Itachi's first thrust was hard.

Orochimaru let out a harsh cry of pain, muffled by Itachi's crushing kiss. He rested for a moment in Orochimaru, allowing his lover to get used to the feeling. Finally, Orochimaru's shaking slowed down, and Itachi began his thrusts almost immediately.

Itachi was not a gentle lover, Orochimaru soon found out. His thrusts were quick, hard, and merciless, and Orochimaru felt himself rocked forward with every thrust. As Itachi slammed into him again and again, Orochimaru found he was slowly getting used to it.

Then Itachi slammed forward just a little harder.

Orochimaru screamed as his sweet spot was hit, and Itachi hit him over and over, making sure he hit the same spot every time. Orochimaru finally came between both of them coating their stomachs with thick, white cum. Stars flashed before his eyes, and Orochimaru vaguely felt Itachi give a few more lazy thrusts before he settled between Orochimaru's spread legs and collapsed on his chest, breathing hard.

The air was heavy with the aroma of sweat and sex as both lovers lay, panting, one on top of the other, exhausted from their tryst. Itachi finally pulled out of Orochimaru's tightening passage and moved forward so he was sitting on the sannin's shoulders. He roughly thrust his throbbing arousal into Orochimaru's mouth and commanded,

"Suck."

Orochimaru slowly did as he was told, gently sucking on Itachi's member. After a few licks and more sucking, he began to gain confidence and sucked harder. Itachi groaned with pleasure and shoved himself deeper into Orochimaru's mouth. Orochimaru gave a whine of complaint as he was forced to deep-throat the man, but obeyed Itachi and continued to suck on Itachi's member. After another few minutes, Itachi finally came, pulling back and shooting his load down Orochimaru's throat. He then removed himself from Orochimaru's mouth and settled next to his lover, reaching up with one hand to undo the knots in the ropes.

END LEMON

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?" Jessica screeched."They just randomly started having sex in a rapidly breaking room, where everything is slowly being sucked into space! And where the hell did all of the stuff in that weird room come from? I thought that the room had a prison cell in it!"

Tipsy looked at her and mouthed the words "Shut up" at her.

They both listened for a minute.

"Oh Orochimaru, those damn teletubbies don't even compare to you! They don't have ass holes, and if you fuck their antennas, you look like a freak cause you stand there moaning like a cow, and they are just looking up at you. I tried to rape Ha Ha, but he wasn't cooperating. Plus they only have like an inch of mouth, so they can't even give a good blowjob." Itachi said.

"Hey, shouldn't we leave? We are about to get sucked into space!" Orochimaru exclaimed. But the two assholes were sealed in, and so they died. YAY!


	3. Conclusion

Thanx to the two marshmellow chickens that actually rate this, I'm gonna keep writing this filth. Rate it Pleeeeese! Oh, and if you hate me, please don't send me hate mail! Otherwise I will send you my favorite comment: Fuck You With Something Hard And Sandpapery! Betch!

Disclaimer: I don't own the comment or any references. I called up my other marshmellow chickens (peeps) and asked them to give me Haku. They asked how I got the number and threatened to sue. P

Jessica and Tipsy proceeded down the hall to find the others trapped in a magical rainbow field. Sailor moon looked tired and had several ugly bruises, along with a very ruffled skirt.

" I bet the damn writer just didn't want to explain everything" Jessica said "I'm just about tired of all of the pointless lemon out of nowhere, the obviously stupid areas he places me in, and the shortcuts he takes. Damn him and conventional thinking!"

"It is I, Baby Lacey! I am the one you seek! I rule sexparty 1, and as we speak, Hannah has changed the teletubbies into vitamins, on the second space station- Super Sex Party 2! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Shut the hell up, you baby lesbian." Tipsy said.

"We won't let you make our friends into vitamins!" Jessica yelled.

Lacey pulled out the cursed magical sprinkle wand, and the pink sparkles poisoned the teletubbies, making their Televisions turn on. _Elmo's World! Lesbian Rape Network! WWE In Your Mom! _And other channels streamed past in a whirl of pain.

"Super Gothic Black Strike of Teletubby Killer!" yelled a black teletubby with a skull for an antenna.

A black rainbow shot at the antenna and broke it.

Haku ran at everyone along with sasori.

"Ho, I've missed you!" said sasori.

Ho transformed into a blonde, long haired girl named Sasame.

LEMON LEMON LEMON LEMON

"Sasori." said Sasame

"Sasame." Sasori breathed huskily.

He grasped her and pulled her in towards his vicious embrace.

(Jessica rolled her eyes and said darkly "What the fuck, in front of an enemy! GOD!")

Sasame began to say something, but Sasori covered her mouth with his soft lips, and explored her mouth with his tongue, like some kind of adventurer, open to the taste of her tonsils. The two of them continued, soft moans coming from Sasame, and after a few moments, Sasori lowered his hand to her ass.

He began to plunge a single finger in her, and repeated the process amid moans of pleasure. Sasame arched her back, and was rewarded with the second finger. She clasped Sasori's member, and viciously pumped it until it felt like steel in her hands. Sasame bent down and started sucking on it, and Sasori bent down and explored her ass with his tongue, making both of them moan and arch their backs.

Finally amid wide eyes, Sasori could not take it anymore. He viciously scissored her open, and after a few moments, he took his first thrust. His thrusts were harsh, hard, and cruel. Sasame began to cry in pain and pleasure as she screamed out Sasori's name. Sasori thrust harder and harder, and he could see the white fluid running down her ass.

Finally, he gave a few last grunts of pleasure, and laid down on her, rubbing her rather well endowed chest.

END LEMON

"Now if you two fuckers are finished" Jessica shouted "You could get up and help us kill the baby!"

"OH!" Sasame said, returning to her ho form.

Everyone got ready.

Tuxedo Mask showed up at that moment to preform "Super Self Destruct Mode!"

"Shit head1 Why the hell couldn't you have shown up earlier!" Jessica raved. "I've had to go through tons of lemony goodness in bad spots, I had to go and kill a bunch of condom shooting robots, and now you come up with a way to kill them all in one button push? ASSHOLE!"

Lacey exploded and the station started to turn an ugly red.

The Teletubbies boarded the Tele Star Network, and the others boarded the Sailor Star Ship.

The Teletubbies went after the labs on the planet and destroyed them slowly using the Super Teletubby Death Ray!, so let's skip ahead and get to the interesting part of the story.

Ahem,

So far, Naruto and Sasori went to go and help the teletubbies, and the others went to stop the sale of Vitamins.

Sasuke came to kick my ass, and is about to get here SOOOOO:

Hannah vs. Haku and the Scouts

Sex party 2 was actually a one room apartment in new york that just happened to be in outer space, so that made things a lot easier.

"I'll get you you stupid slut! OHH how original, Fucking writer strike!" Haku said

" Yeah right! I've sucked harder men than you, and in a non perverted way!" Hannah said.

FIGHT!

"I gotta make these four needles count. RAINBOW NEEDLE!" Haku screeched

A needle shot from his hand, and Hannah sucked the rainbow right up.

"Ok, uhhh, GAY BLOWJOB NEEDLE!"

Hannah broke this one easily, since she wasn't a man.

"Ice Needles?"

She spit these back at him, and then used her "Magic Vitamin Change O Tron!"

Turning Haku into the meta digestion beauty pill.

Hannah shot sailor mini moon and Sakura with her Whirly Girly Vortex of Impregnation, killing them instantly.

Naruto was overcome by the death of Sakura, and Killed himself.

"Oh unfair world, Why cannot Sakura my ho Live?"

Then Sailor Saturn Walked in and killed everyone.

THE END HOES!

Sasuke walked in my room and read this.

"Oh my god you whore! What the hell? I sooooo can't remember any other writer beint so cheap!" He bellowed

"Same Here you fucker! Why don't you go fuck yourself you piece of shit. I should send you a douche bag for making us all look like fruits. All of us die? Shit." Jessica screeched at me

"In the name of the moon, we shall rape you." said the sailor scouts.

"Teletubby rape!" yelled the teletubbies.

"What the hell happened to us you shetbag?" Jade/Jacob asked

They all got on top of me and the fighting began.

"You little hooker"

"Shetbag"

"Deck"

"skank"

"Sexually ambiguous freak!"

" you slut"

" Fucker"

"Bitch"

"Damn Morals"

"Whore"

"Buy more Condamns."

"Impregnated Bastard Child of A Cactus and a tree!"

"Betch."

I don't remember the rest. I just remember Haku walking away and removing a condom.

(At least it was him right?)

I woke up a week later in the hospital next to BJ Lott, with a broken pelvis, collar bone, and right arm. I learned a week later that Haku had raped me with a croquet mallet and a cactus, as well as a few beer bottles. (I'm still removing them from my ass a month after. It's not rape if it's willing right?)

But thanx for reading, and I hope you know that this filth proves that the world has no morals, and that you have wasted more of your life reading this than you will watching TV!

LUV YEW!

And watch for my other upcoming fanfics.


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